Friday, September 26, 2014

12 Moments In Your Relationship That Make You Realize The Power Of Love

1. That moment when you have a make or break kind of fight and, instead of breaking, the relationship strengthens and things change and you both change in ways you never thought possible. And, all of a sudden, you’re standing in the middle of the relationship you’d always hoped it would be, all because you took the risk to stay instead of the easy answer to leave.
2. That moment you say the thing that’s on your heart that you have been crazy afraid to say and they just look at you in the most heartbreakingly beautiful way, like, “why was this a big deal to tell me?”
3. That moment you’re so ill that you can hardly move and, just by virtue of being close to them, you feel yourself getting better. And they run out to get you your favorite soup and they kiss you even though you’re contagious and you feel like you might cry from the tenderness in which they’re treating you.
4. That moment when you come out of a particularly difficult season of your life and they are still there loving you even when you acted terribly and took out your frustration on them. But the fact that they are still there, loving you completely, is a miracle in of itself and it guts you because it’s so much love, maybe more love than you could give.
5. That moment when they do something so intimate that proves how well they know you and you think, oh my god, they know me. They really know me. This is real. This is something. They’re not messing around with my heart; they’re learning me and, not only accepting my quirks, but actually, full on, loving them. 
6. That moment when you both get on the exact same page about your future and you both want the same things in the same timeline and you’re compromising and working together and everything on the landscape of your future feels possible and exciting.
7. That moment when you do something wildly embarrassing and you think they’re going to tease you, but they just look at you with this intense love in their eyes and you realize this goes beyond that puppy love, but this is deeper than you expected and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
8. That moment when you see how much you’ve been transformed by their love and that untangling who you are from who they are is nearly impossible and that’s frightening to a degree, you realize it’s also rare to feel this way. And, you see, clear as day, how much this love has impacted your life and the power of it blows you away in many ways.
9. That moment when you realize that a significant period of time has passed since you’ve been doubtful about their love or doubtful about how they feel about you and the absence of that feeling is so powerful that it takes a moment for you to realize that they’ve helped you understand how deep love goes and that alone is one of the most precious gifts they could give you.
10. That moment when you are radically open and leave nothing on your heart and bleed out onto this person and they accept you so fully and so completely that you realize that love is the only thing that could do this, that could accept in this way, that could support in this way, and it’s so precious that you don’t exactly know why you were given this person, but you’re just going to accept them completely and fully, too, without worrying about why they picked you, but just being pretty damn happy that they did.
11. That moment when you humble yourself and admit to an egregious mistake and, while it would be completely within normal standards for them to be angry with you, they do something entirely different and they hug you and forgive you and it’s so out of the ordinary that it knocks you over in a way and you wonder, how did this happen, how are we here, this is amazing.
12. That moment when you realize this is the first person you’ve truly been yourself with. That they bring out the best in you, the most vulnerable version of yourself. And, while you’re terrified of what that means, the desire to love them outweighs the fear of not loving them. And, you understand what love means, for the first time in your life, you really do. You see love and how transformative it is. How it lifts people up. How it makes people better versions of themselves. And you see, first hand, in your own experience, that the power of love is stronger than anything else that exists.

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Monday, September 22, 2014

Why Love Is Worth The Risk

When you’ve had your heart tampered with so many times before, it’s hard to believe someone’s intentions are good when they tell you pretty words and do nice things for you and ask for your heart in return. For some reason, it just gets hard to believe that this person might actually stick around when a parade full of others have seen their way out the door.
No matter if it’s different people over the course of the time who each had their own way of hurting you, or one person who broke your entire heart in whole, effortlessly. In either case, your heart was still broken, and with that, the innocence of your young heart was stripped away at the moment that your heart was briefly stolen. When something like that happens, you become conditioned to think it will happen again. It’s hard to let someone in when you’ve got chains wrapped so tightly around your heart.
But here’s the thing, love doesn’t come around very often. Love comes around once in a blue moon.
My advice to you is if there’s someone who’s offering their love to you and who makes your heart happy, maybe it’s worth the risk of trusting it for once. Allowing yourself to love again is an uphill battle and a constant question of bravery, but if you never let your walls down then you’ll just never know. Here’s the shocking line that not all of us take time to realize; love doesn’t always have to leave you hurting. Beautiful things can happen if you allow them to.

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49 Life Skills Every Modern Woman Should Have

This isn't the same world that our mothers and grandmothers grew up in, and although some things never go out of style (like good manners), a lot has drastically changed in the last half century.
So, here are 49 life skills every modern woman -- at least if she's between the age of, say, 22-66 -- should embrace in the year 2014.
1. Make at least one great cocktail. I make a mean Pomegranate Margarita, andhere's how I do it.
2. Drink without getting a hangover the next morning. Tip: Line your stomach with bread, drink one glass of water for every glass of alcohol, and don't drink more than three glasses of red wine.
3. Look good in a photo. Tip: Turn your head slightly to one side rather than look the camera head-on; stand (or sit) straight with your shoulders back; arch your back ever so slightly; don't press your arms against your body; unless you have a prominent chin, stick it out just a little to accentuate your jawline.
4. Remove unwanted body hair the most effective, painless, and affordable way possible.
5. Dump someone gracefully. Tip: Do it in person, if possible; get to the point quickly, choose a time when the other person isn't expected somewhere any time soon (like work... or a wedding); give a reasonable explanation; answer whatever questions he or she may ask.
6. Write a sincere thank-you note. Here's a great how-to.
7. Set a lovely table, no matter how casual the meal is. Here are tips for setting a pretty table for a variety of occasions.
8. Open a bottle of champagne. Like this.
9. Find someone's bridal/wedding/baby shower registry online. Tip: go to WeddingChannel.com and type in honoree's name. You'll find registries for a variety of stores. Do a "find a registry" search on Amazon, too.
10. Send a BCC group email.
11. Dress for her body type.
12. Graciously offer assistance to someone in need.
13. Book a vacation.
14. Hide a bad hair day.
15. Find the best deal. Tip: For big ticket items, always, always, always compare prices online. Then, do a "coupon" search and see if you can find a coupon code to save you even more money.
16. Write a kickass cover letter.
17. Hold a baby.
18. Wrap a gift anyone would be excited to open. Here's a great how-to.
19. Start a conversation. Tip: ask people questions about themselves, like where they grew up, how they met their significant other, or how they know the host.
20. End a conversation. Tip: If you're at a party, excuse yourself to the bathroom, pretend like you just saw someone you need to say hi to, or excuse yourself to call the babysitter. Saying you're going to get a refill doesn't work as well because the person could follow you or ask you get him or her a refill, too.
21. Pack everything she needs for a weekend getaway in one small bag.
22. Ask someone out. Tip: Don't use ambiguous language like "hang out." Have a specific activity and/or place in mind, even if it's just coffee.
23. Invest her money.
24. Use Mapquest, Googlemaps, or some other 21st century version of direction-giving.
25. Pack her purse with essentials: cash, ID, keys, phone, breath mints, chapstick or lipgloss, and a book, newspaper, or crossword puzzle to keep her occupied during a long wait or when she's trying to avoid someone on the train.
26. Prepare, order, or pay for a tasty and healthful dinner for herself and at least one guest. Here's a recipe for one of the world's easiest, healthiest -- and tastiest -- meals (pay special attention to #6).
27. Edit, upload, and print photos.
28. Perform the Heimlich and CPR.
29. Choose a ripe fruit. Here you go.
30. Cook and carve a turkey (or tofurky, if you must).
31. Google her date.
32. Negotiate a salary and/or pay raise. Lean in, y'all.
33. Bite her tongue when it's appropriate to.
34. Get a passport.
35. Reserve a library book online.
36. Leave (or find) Yelp reviews.
37. Find the right bra.
38. Welcome a new neighbor or coworker. Tip: Make a point to introduce yourself and give one piece of friendly advice, like where the best place is to grab lunch.
39. Get herself (and her partner) off.
40. Assemble furniture.
41. Figure out what to tip on a $27 bill.
42. Look for a way out (of a relationship, a job, or a crowded music fest full of hipsters).
43. Find a reputable repair person.
44. Give a sincere (or, at least sincere-sounding) apology.
45. When and how to say "no" firmly (but graciously when appropriate).
46. Dry out her wet cell phone. Tip: turn it off and let it sit in a bowl or bag of rice overnight).
47. Change a tire (or find someone who can do it for her).
48. Give herself a breast exam. Like this!
49. Ask for help when she needs it.
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15 Things To Start Doing For Yourself

Not long ago we published an article called 15 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself. The article was all about outlining the tendencies many of us have that can make life more complicated and difficult. Things we do to ourselves that we have full control over. That article inspired this new one that will focus on things we can begin doing right now that will make our lives more joyous and peace filled.
Start Spending Time With The “Right” People – Spend time with people you enjoy -who bring you up instead of push you down. Sure there are always lessons we can learn from others but you don’t need to continue hanging around with and associating with people who you know bring in an offsetting vibe. Learn what you need to from them about yourself and move on. I have found that the longer I let things linger with people simply because I feel I’m supposed to never let them bother me, the worse a situation gets as I’m not taking care of myself. You can’t change others, so focus on you and spend time with those who resonate with you the most.
Start Loving & Being Nicer To Yourself – Think about how you speak to yourself sometimes – how does it sound? What do you say? Unless you are already great at self talk and have a solid connection to the love that you are, it’s likely you say some nasty things to yourself. Whether it be about your appearance, performance on something or your ability to do something you want to do, it’s easy for us to tear ourselves down. Now imagine someone else was saying all those things to you instead. Would it be nice of that person? Of course not. So why do we choose to not be nice to ourselves? Learning to love ourselves and cut out the nasty talk is so important. Be sure to be aware of what you are saying to yourself. >
Start Being Fully Honest With Yourself  – Being fully honest with yourself is so important as we can get caught up in convincing ourselves that various things don’t bother us or aren’t a challenge for us. We even be guilty to avoid admitting certain characteristics about the current version of ourselves. Honesty is needed in every aspect of our lives whether it’s with other people, ourselves, our work and so on. The more honest we are, the more we can grow from our experiences and keep things simple. You learn a lot about yourself when you are honest.
Start Facing Your Challenges Head On – We always want our problems or challenges to just go away. But most of the time it isn’t quite that simple. We need to take some sort of action steps. Choose to do something about the challenges you face as opposed to letting them linger and simply complaining about them. We have the choice and control, it’s time to embrace that power. If it helps, choose one problem or challenge you face right now, and write out some things you can do to get it moving forward.
Start Listening To Your Own Inner Voice – Whether you want to call it your inner voice, your heart, gut feelings, intuition, soul, higher self, higher perspective or any other name you give to the real YOU that is beyond your mind, listening to that voice a little more often makes a big difference in your life. It’s YOU! It’s there to guide you, show you your passions and what paths make the most sense for you at any given moment. The more you listen to it means the less you listen to the mind which can often over analyze or bring emotional patterns into your decisions. Listening to your inner voice is following your heart.
Start Living In The NOW – This was one of the most powerful things for me to implement in my life. I’m not saying I’m always in the now as certainly I get stuck thinking about the past or future in ways that cause suffering, but using this tool as much as possible is huge. Everything you have or are is all happening right now and you only have the now. Even in a future moment it is still the now. When you pay attention to what is happening now you give your whole self to what you are doing and that brings much peace and joy. The past or future can be used as a reference to make adjustments in the now, but avoid fretting or worrying about either. The dwelling will only cause suffering. There is much beauty happening now that you won’t want to miss.
Start Valuing What Your “Mistakes” Teach You – I don’t believe there are mistakes in life. Simply, we make choices and they play out experiences. Deep down we have an understanding of what is right and wrong and we live by that. When it comes to smaller choices where we make decisions and they end up in less favorable outcomes, there is a lot to learn from them. Taking risks sometimes results in a stumble or a fall, but this will teach you so much about yourself and the journey you make through each experience. We focus so much on the end goal and how it came to be defined rather than all we learned along the way. There are no mistakes. Value what you learn from every journey.
Start Being Yourself Completely – You are an awesome unique individual, no matter what anyone says. Embracing that is often so difficult because we have social pressures as well as ideas of ourselves (often based on social pressures) that get in the way of us being real. Deep down we all know who we are, what we love and how we want to be, it’s just a matter of getting used to being that when we have gotten used to putting something else “on” for so long. It can be scary for sure, we are putting ourselves out there and if people don’t accept us it can hurt. But the truth is, you will be amazed at how much people love you and are appreciative of what you resonate when you are truly being yourself. People can feel when others aren’t embracing their true selves and this is what usually creates interesting experiences.
Start Enjoying & Appreciating What You Already Have – Sometimes we get caught up in chasing things like money and other material possessions. While these things are not bad to experience or have, it’s important not to get stuck in the idea that “I will be happy once I get these things.” Too often we are waiting around for the “best” situation to play out for us, all the while missing out on the experiences that are right in front of us. Where we have food, shelter, friends, family and life. We also can get caught up in comparing ourselves to others and what they have. Before you go to bed, mid day or even when you wake up, remember all that you have and this will help to keep you out of the chase for more. After all, when you finally get the things you desire, won’t the mind just look for more if we let it?
Start Being Accountable & Creating Your Own Joy – When we look outside ourselves to create joy or peace in our lives we basically give up our own power in doing so. The truth is, you already have all it takes to feel great in your life and sometimes it’s about taking the action to make that the case. In our culture most of the time we assume that happiness will come from others and from things and when we get everything in line we will be OK -Let’s break this habit and start by finding the power inside each of us to begin creating joy now.
Start Helping People Around You – Regardless of what society may suggest is the case, we are all in this together and connected to one another. Caring about people and assisting them in their own journey, in whatever form that comes in, is a great way to connect with others and use your unique skills. On top of that you create a sharing relationship with those people so that exchanges can continue down the road. You aren’t doing it to get something in return, but rather to extend love outwards only to see it come back in whatever form it does.
Start Accepting Things Even If They Aren’t Perfect – Really, what is perfect? Sometimes we have a tough time accepting things when they aren’t perfect, but perfection is simply an idea your mind created. We can get caught up in things in our world not appearing exactly as we wish to see them, but much of it is us learning to be at peace with how things unfold. We can only take actions on things we have control over. This isn’t to say you need to settle for everything, but rather, don’t obsess over the small details and instead be at peace with where things are at in this moment.
Start Paying Attention to How You Feel About Things – Often times we might feel a particular way about something but we don’t take it seriously or voice it because we don’t understand it or don’t want to share it with others. How you feel deep down about something is important and we should certainly value that. Social pressures don’t outweigh how you feel inside about something so feel free to understand that feeling and own it versus burying it. Often we can hide these feelings inside only to later realize many others felt the same about something but didn’t say anything because they were all afraid as well. Your voice and heart can impact others. Don’t be afraid to speak.
Start Focusing On The Possibilities Of Things vs Them Not Working Out – Have you ever heard the idea that if you believe it, it will happen? Now of course this isn’t quite the full story, but believing in possibility has a big impact on not only your own effort and motivation around something but also how others will perceive it. If you want to do something in your life, believe you can do it and avoid thinking negatively about the outcome. “This would never happen to me.” Or “Good things never happen to me.” This type of self talk and lack of believing in self can quickly kill what you are trying to achieve in life. Focus on what you want to happen and how you want to go about it. Focusing on the “negative” won’t do much but make the whole situation feel “negative.”

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Keep Grinding: 8 Thoughts You Need To Stop Having To Stay Motivated

It’s easy to be addicted to motivational crack: the pictures, quotes, videos and books that all promise to help us make the change in our lives we’re all dying to make.
I read these things constantly, soak them in, get my motivational high … and then I crash.
I found the way for me to stay consistently motivated is to remove the things in my life that are choking my motivation. The truth is, you already have motivation; it’s just covered up by a thick layer of parasitic ideas and habits.
Every time I find myself not wanting to do anything and just check out of life (like this morning), I go through this checklist and unleash my motivation:

1. Ingratitude

People say it all the time: “Be grateful!”
Of course, it sounds nice, but the fact of the matter is life is relative; I’m not close enough to starving to appreciate that I have food to eat. However, I fasted for 43 hours last week, and that definitely made me grateful to finally eat.
Other kinds of deprivation can force you to be grateful, like cold showers, dry spells, breakups and severe loss. Nothing makes me grateful for being able to breathe more than an asthma attack.
When you aren’t grateful, you are only focusing on what isn’t there and why you can’t have it. Gratitude shocks you back into respecting your life, instead of complaining you don’t have a different life.
The Antidotes: Write a list of things you’re grateful for, force yourself to feel grateful for a simple thing (your vision, your ability to breathe, a tree…), deprive yourself of something you love for a week, say thank you to someone or write a thank you note.

2. Envy

When I’m envious, I’m paralyzed. I can’t focus on doing my best work if I wish I could be doing that other person’s work. I can’t love my girlfriend if I wish I had some other guy’s girlfriend.
Most importantly, I can’t find out who I am if I’m wishing I was somebody else.
Envy blinds us to the opportunities in our own life. It comes from believing that what isn’t in our life is more important that what is. How are you supposed to stay motivated when all your energy is being spent worrying about what others have?
The Antidotes: Realize that envy is separate from the subject being envied. Notice your reactions to the successes of others. Get off of Facebook, put your head down and work.

3. Impatience

Mark Zuckerberg became a billionaire in his early 20s, and now we all think we have to be billionaires in our early 20s. It’s a good story, but it’s just not accurate for most of our realities. Most of us have to build over a lifetime.
When I get impatient with my own progress (life, projects, fitness, etc.), I end up quitting. I’m not reaching my goal fast enough, so why should I keep going?
When I stay patient, I do the work that makes progress happen fast.
The Antidotes: Create a plan and measure progress. Stop obsessing over the end-goal and focus on the process today. Read a biography and see the amount of time and failure that the greats had to work through.

4. Overwhelm

I wake up about once a week knowing that 20 tasks need to be done. I want to do them all at once, but I can’t, so I do nothing.
Taking one task at a time is our only option.
I don’t know how to land a career, find a wife, preapre for a family, pay the bills and go to the dentist all at the same time. Unless these things are broken down into steps and I can take on one at a time, I’m lost.
The Antidotes: Simplify your life; you’re probably saying yes to way too many things. Organize your schedule, your desk and your car. Lower the bar. You can’t skip steps one through nine. Write down the one thing you want to complete every day and do that thing.

5. Inaction

Taking action is the single most motivating thing you can do, and inaction is the single most powerful motivation sucker there is. The worst thing you can do to find motivation or inspiration is to wait for it. Waiting just makes it harder to get motivated to do anything.
The Antidotes: Commit to action every day. Consistency is key. Make yourself more scared of not doing something than you are of doing it.

6. Loss of Meaning

If you feel like what you’re doing has no purpose, you are guaranteed to have zero motivation to do it. Without meaning, we feel lost, and sometimes as we search for meaning, we realize it’s not really there.
The truth is, few of us can truly believe in some grand purpose for our lives.
I have never found meaning in a quote or philosophy, only in taking action. We don’t need an abstract explanation of why something makes life meaningful; we just need to get lost in some activity.
The Antidotes: Focus on doing good work. Remind yourself that you don’t need a grand purpose to be happy. Aim bigger; express yourself with bad poetry, bad painting, bad singing, etc.

7. No Skin In The Game

If you have something to lose, it’s easier to stay motivated.
I’ve never seen a man desperate to complain about not being motivated. I’ve never seen an entrepreneur who needed to prove himself to be lazy.
If you can’t get the motivation to do something, maybe you’re too comfortable. Maybe you need to raise the stakes and put yourself in a position where there is something to lose.
Sports are only fun to watch when you care about a certain team winning.
The Antidotes: Risk something and take a position.

8. Crappy People

If you’re surrounded by people who suck, you are going to end up sucking, too.
If nobody around you is doing anything interesting, then how are you supposed to do anything interesting? It’s easy to be motivated if you’re surrounded by motivation.
The Antidotes: Cut out the five worst people in your life. Join a club you’re interested in or email someone online.

Now

Sometimes you can do all these things and still struggle to find motivation. Maybe your subconscious is telling you that this isn’t the thing for you, or you need to shake things up in a bigger way.
Find what’s sucking your motivation and get rid of it. If you can’t figure it out, ask a close friend to weigh in and see how the two of you can change your mindset for the better.
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An Open Letter To My Future Husband: How I Plan To Make You Happy Every Day Of Your Life

To my future husband,
I don’t yet know you. I don’t know how we met or where you live. I don’t know the names of your siblings or if you like listening to rap or to alternative, or if your favorite kind of dessert is chocolate — the same as me. Perhaps we found each other organically, as I have often dreamed of.
Me, casually glancing at a bestseller and you, reaching to pick it up as we both peruse the same Barnes & Noble stack. Or perhaps you’re fond of the outdoors and passed me at dusk riding along the East River when it’s quiet and thoughts turn like gears on a bike. I don’t yet know.
I want to. I want to know all these things and more. I want to know what you look like when you first wake up and the day’s demands have not yet set in.
I want to know what you love most in this world and for you to share it with me. I want to know what buttons I can push, how you’ll react when you’re edgy and where the line is drawn. I don’t yet know.
But what I do know is that I will treat you like I treat myself because your happiness is my happiness. And I do know that I won’t stop trying. Even when we’ve both found what it is we’re looking for in each other, I’ll keep surprising you.
I do know, regardless of where we are or who we become or what happens, I do know I plan to do my best to make you happy every day that we spend our lives together. And here’s how:

I’ll never make you feel inadequate

If you fail at something (which is to be expected), I won’t put you down or hold it against you. I’ll build you up so that you have the confidence to keep pursuing your ambitions. And when I find success in my own life, it won’t be because I have made you my competition.
Whether it’s as small as taking the time to learn a new recipe or as big as a career change, I’ll celebrate you and your achievements, and I’ll ease your losses. And I’ll always be proud of you for putting forth the effort.

I’ll love you with the same passion as when we first met

I promise I won’t take your touch for granted or forget to appreciate the small pleasures you give me.
Even if our lives become routine and we fall into a familiar pattern of sleep and waking, I will work to keep that spark in our relationship alive — the same one that sent chills through my body when we shared our first kiss in the park.
And though you will have good days and bad, and tempers flare and stress makes us behave in irrational ways, that won’t stop me from loving you to my full capacity.

I’ll learn new things and constantly grow alongside you

Paths change, and with each year that passes, we advance a little differently, becoming closer to the things we want out of life. No matter how much we evolve or how much we change, I’ll strive to make sure it’s with you.
What I learn and what I hope for will be in sync with what you need and what you want to discover. You’ll enlighten me with your vast intelligence, and I’ll enliven you with the richness of my stories. Even in the stillness of silence, we’ll forever be in constant connection.

I’ll inspire you

There is something incredibly special about falling in love with someone who makes you a better person. Let my achievements inspire you to find your own personal success.
My presence should be one that excites you and motivates you to go beyond your limitations. Every day I wish to be your muse and your fulfillment. The one who makes you realize how much you are capable of and how much you have to offer.

I’ll relieve your anxieties

Whatever wears on you or whatever obstacles you feel you can’t overcome, I’ll show you that you can on your own. I’ll do my best to attend to your needs without crippling you. When you feel like you can’t get away, I’ll be your escape.
We’ll get lost in our adventures together even if it’s in the comfort of our beds. I’ll be your imagination when you’re stuck inside your own head and I’ll be there to fall back on when you occasionally slip.

I’ll challenge you to your full potential

I won’t let you get away with mediocrity or doing the bare minimum. You might temporarily hate me for pushing you too hard, but I have your best interests at heart — and deep down you know that too.
I’ll care about you enough to be upfront and honest even when the truth is harsh and sometimes hurts.
And even though we might bruise, we’ll also heal. Challenges are what make us stronger in the end. Our relationship may not be as easy or as carefree as we thought, but neither of us has ever really wanted to coast.
We’re drawn to the risk, we’re drawn to the dare and, most importantly, we’re drawn to each other.

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Stop Thinking About Love As A Noun And Start Treating It Like A Verb

Love isn’t an easy concept to understand. Love itself is the purest form of energy that connects any two beings, human or other.
It’s the embodiment of all that is good and perfect. When we talk about love in the romantic sense, we are basically trying to embody something that is pure and perfect within two individuals who are neither perfect nor pure themselves.
We are taking two imperfect, flawed, darkened, confused individuals and submerging them in the waters of romantic love, cleansing their souls – a sort of baptism. We look to love as the answer, the solution to all of our problems.
Because love is perfect, we feel that once we have it, everything in our lives becomes perfect. This is the story that we were told growing up. This is the story that we continuously see portrayed in books, movies and TV shows. Our culture feeds us an ideal and urges us to find it for ourselves. The problem is that such an ideal doesn’t exist.
The way that we perceive romantic love is wrong. It’s misguided and damaging. While imagining flawed beings such as ourselves getting our hands on something so perfect excites us beyond anything else, the reality eventually will come crashing down.
The way pop culture portrays romantic love is quite brilliant really. We are told that there is one perfect individual out there for us. A person who fills the void that we feel, making us whole.
We are told that there is someone out there who will make us better individuals, who will make us happy beyond belief, and who will fall head over heels for us.
We are told that every single person has such a person out there waiting for them – waiting to be found. No matter how flawed or stupid the individual, there is someone out there.
Imagine… the greatest, most incredible and perfect prize in the world is attainable by even the lowest of the low. Moreover, everybody is said to eventually find this person – so no need for anyone to worry.
What an amazing story, no? You are good the way you are, but when you find this perfect person, whom you can’t not find, you’ll be even more perfect. This person will make your life less miserable and you’ll be so in love that nothing else in the world will matter.
Your sh*tty, boring, wasteful life will have a meaning at last! Of course, you can’t work towards bettering yourself on your own. You need your other half. No point in working on yourself anyway – just go find someone to marry and have children with.
Man, do we love those magical beans. Just plant one in the ground and you’re climbing your way up to a fortune. When it comes to love, we have to be wary. We have to be sure that we have a proper understanding of it, even in its most basic forms, in order to – pardon my French – not f*ck things up.
Love doesn’t just happen. It doesn’t just fix all of your problems and it most certainly doesn’t just work its magic on its own. For love to be magical, you have to make it magical. Love isn’t simply a noun; it’s a verb just as well.
It’s frightening if you think about it… We live in a world in which people define love as a noun in the fashion mention above and most people don’t even consider it in its active form.
We find love. We don’t “do” love – and that’s the problem. People make finding love some sort of treasure hunt. They find the spot, dig that chest out of the ground, and then finish off the last page with a “The End.”
There is absolutely nothing in life that is worth having that does not require an effort to both achieve and then maintain. Those things that do not require any maintenance are either dead and everlasting or not worth holding on to.
Because of love’s nature, it’s living. Because it’s a living thing, it must be tended to, maintained, paid attention to, cared for.
When you love someone, don’t bother telling that person so because the truth is that he or she won’t believe you until you show this person that you love him or her. Words have become useless in our society, as lying has become second nature.
Most people will say what they have to say to get what they want – regardless of the damage those lies cause. Love as a noun is utterly useless. Most of you have an entirely wrong definition. The rest of us will work on refining our definition for the rest of our lives.
To love is an action. It is something that you do, actively. Most couples make the mistake of getting comfortable within their relationships.
They lose the mystery, the excitement, the passion. But understand that it’s not as if they left it in the cab. The flame didn’t fall out of their back pockets. They chose not to love anymore.
It’s that simple. You chose to stop loving. You chose to stop caring. You chose to stop being curious, to stop asking, to stop proving you love that person. We are all insecure creatures who wish to find someone who will be there for us every day for the rest of our lives, showing us love and allowing us to show how much we love too.
Yet, we all f*ck it up. We play games. We get lazy. We become careless and removed. We want love to be delivered to us along with that pizza and 2 liters of soda.
We want to keep love as if it were an ornament, a thing. Looking at love this way guarantees that you will spend most of your life alone and miserable.
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