Wednesday, January 14, 2015

How to Focus A Wandering Mind

We’ve all been there. You’re slouched in a meeting or a classroom, supposedly paying attention, but your mind has long since wandered off, churning out lists of all the things you need to do—or that you could be doing if only you weren’t stuck here…
Suddenly you realize everyone is looking your way expectantly, waiting for an answer. But you’re staring blankly, grasping at straws to make a semi-coherent response. The curse of the wandering mind!
But don’t worry—you’re not alone. In fact, a recent study by Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert sampled over 2,000 adults during their day-to-day activities and found that 47 percent of the time, their minds were not focused on what they were currently doing. Even more striking, when people’s minds were wandering, they reported being less happy.
This suggests it might be good to find ways to reduce these mental distractions and improve our ability to focus. Ironically, mind-wandering itself can help strengthen our ability to focus, if leveraged properly. This can be achieved using an age-old skill: meditation. Indeed, a new wave of research reveals what happens in our brains when our minds wander—and sheds light on the host of cognitive and emotional benefits that come with increased focus.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE WANDERING MIND?

For something that happens so often, what do we really know about this process of mind-wandering?
For thousands of years, contemplative practices such as meditation have provided a means to look inward and investigate our mental processes. It may seem surprising, but mind-wandering is actually a central element of focused attention (FA) meditation. In this foundational style of meditation, the practitioner is instructed to keep her attention on a single object, often the physical sensations of breathing.
Sounds simple enough, but it’s much easier said than done. Try it for a few minutes and see what happens.
If you’re like most people, before long your attention will wander away into rumination, fantasy, analyzing, planning. At some point, you might realize that your mind is no longer focused on the breath. With this awareness, you proceed to disengage from the thought that had drawn your mind away, and steer your attention back to your breath. A few moments later, the cycle will likely repeat.
At first it might seem like the tendency toward mind-wandering would be a problem for the practice of FA meditation, continually derailing your attention from the “goal” of keeping your mind on the breath.
However, the practice is really meant to highlight this natural trajectory of the mind, and in doing so, it trains your attention systems to become more aware of the mental landscape at any given moment, and more adept at navigating it. With repeated practice, it doesn’t take so long to notice that you’ve slipped into some kind of rumination or daydream. It also becomes easier to drop your current train of thought and return your focus to the breath. Those who practice say that thoughts start to seem less “sticky”—they don’t have such a hold on you.
As a neuroscientist and meditator, I’d long been fascinated with what might be happening in my brain when I meditate. Being familiar with both subjective, first-person meditative practice and objective, third-person scientific research, I wondered what would happen if I put these two modes of investigation together. Could I get a more fine-grained picture of how this process works in the brain by leveraging the experience of these cognitive shifts during meditation?
I started by considering the default mode network, a set of brain areas that tend to increase in activity when we’re not actively engaged in anything else—in other words, when our minds tend to wander. Maybe it was this default mode network that kept barging in during my meditation, interfering with my ability to keep my attention focused. And maybe this network was what I was learning to “tune down” by practicing over and over. I wondered if I could test this scientifically.
Supported by funding from the Mind & Life Institute, and with the help of colleagues at Emory University, I started to test which brain areas were related to meditation. We asked meditators to focus on their breath while we scanned their brains: whenever they realized their minds had been wandering, they’d press a button. Then they would return their focus to the breath as usual, and the practice would continue. As they did so, we collected MRI data showing which brain regions were active before, during, or after the button press that corresponded to various mental states.
The study, published in the journal NeuroImage, found that, indeed, during periods of mind-wandering, regions of the brain’s default mode network were activated. Then when participants became aware of this mind-wandering, brain regions related to the detection of salient or relevant events came online. After that, areas of the executive brain network took over, re-directing and maintaining attention on the chosen object. And all of this occurred within 12 seconds around those button presses.
Looking at activity in these brain networks this way suggests that when you catch your mind wandering, you are going through a process of recognizing, and shifting out of, default mode processing by engaging numerous attention networks. Understanding the way the brain alternates between focused and distracted states has implications for a wide variety of everyday tasks. For example, when your mind wandered off in that meeting, it might help to know you’re slipping into default mode—and you can deliberately bring yourself back to the moment. That’s an ability that can improve with training.
The benefits of building focus
What are other practical implications of this knowledge? Recent behavioral research shows that practicing meditation trains various aspects of attention. Studies show that meditation training not only improves working memory and fluid intelligence, but even standardized test scores.
It’s not surprising—this kind of repeated mental exercise is like going to the gym, only you’re building your brain instead of your muscles. And mind-wandering is like the weight you add to the barbell—you need some “resistance” to the capacity you’re trying to build. Without mind-wandering to derail your attempts to remain focused, how could you train the skills of watching your mind and controlling your attention?
In our study, we also wanted to look at the effects of lifetime meditation experience on brain activity. In agreement with a growing number of studies, we found that experience mattered—those who were more experienced meditators had different levels of brain activity in the relevant networks. This suggests that their brains may have changed due to repeated practice, a process called neuroplasticity.
One brain area stood out in this analysis: the medial prefrontal cortex, a part of the default mode network that is particularly related to self-focused thoughts, which make up a good portion of mind-wandering content. It turns out that experienced meditators deactivated this region more quickly after identifying mind-wandering than people who hadn’t meditated as much—suggesting they might be better at releasing distracting thoughts, like a re-hash of a personal To Do list or some slight they suffered at work yesterday.
In a follow-up study, we found that these same participants had greater coherence between activity in the medial prefrontal cortex and brain areas that allow you to disengage attention. This means that the brain regions for attentional disengagement have greater access to the brain regions underlying the distraction, possibly making it easier to disengage. Other findings support this idea—more experienced meditators have increased connectivity between default mode and attention brain regions, and less default mode activity while meditating.
This might explain how it feels easier to “drop” thoughts as you become more experienced in meditation—and thus better able to focus. Thoughts become less sticky because your brain gets re-wired to be better at recognizing and disengaging from mind-wandering. And if you’ve ever struggled with rumination—re-living a negative experience over and over, or stressing (unproductively) about an upcoming event—you can appreciate how being able to let go of your thoughts could be a huge benefit.
Indeed, the Killingsworth and Gilbert study I mentioned earlier found that when people’s minds were wandering, they tended to be less happy, presumably because our thoughts often tend towards negative rumination or stress. That’s why mindfulness meditation has become an increasingly important treatment of mental health difficulties like depressionanxietypost-traumatic stress disorder, and even sexual dysfunction.
Reading all this might make you think that we’d be better off if we could live our lives in a constant state of laser-like, present moment focus. But a wandering mind isn’t all bad. Not only can we leverage it to build focus using FA meditation, but the capacity to project our mental stream out of the present and imagine scenarios that aren’t actually happening is hugely evolutionarily valuable, which may explain why it’s so prominent in our mental lives. These processes allow for creativity, planning, imagination, memory—capacities that are central not only to our survival, but also to the very essence of being human.
The key, I believe, is learning to become aware of these mental tendencies and to use them purposefully, rather than letting them take over. Meditation can help with that.
So don’t beat yourself up the next time you find yourself far away from where your mind was supposed to be. It’s the nature of the mind to wander. Use it as an opportunity to become more aware of your own mental experience. But you may still want to return to the present moment—so you can come up with an answer to that question everyone is waiting for.
http://youtu.be/6A-RqZzd2JU

6 Resolutions for a Simplified and Fulfilling 2015

End-of-the-year reflection may seem like a timeworn practice, but I've found it the best hope for a purposeful next year. As I look back at 2014, I am determined for 2015 to be defined by simplicity that yields fulfillment.
It is easy to get swept up on the wrong side of the tension of "Having it All vs. Having What Matters." But what could possibly be gained by another year of attempting to look like I can do it all, missing out on the things that are more aligned with my purpose? These are the six things I will be doing in 2015 to trade an overabundance of busyness for a life more focused on what matters most.
1. Do the most important things first 
A day can easily end with many little things completed, but that looming project or needed, but likely-to-be-long, conversation goes uncompleted for another day. We can all relate to the instinct of first wading through a sea of emails, news updates, and then along the way, we are swept up by the tyranny of the urgent, only to end the day feeling a dissatisfying, unfulfilling sense of exhaustion.
But if instead, before allowing my energy to go to anything else, I begin my day by filtering my to-do list through my sense of purpose, and do those things that most align with what would be truly fulfilling, the day may still end in exhaustion, but a deeply satisfying variety. Brian Tracy's Eat That Frog, based on this idea, derives its title from Mark Twain's quotation, "Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day." While a day's tasks are rarely a matter of better or worse, they are always a matter of important or not. 

2. Avoid rabbit holes
Whether it's the ding of a new email, text, phone call, or an article promising an insider's look at the next season of Downton Abbey, we can hardly stop ourselves from satisfying our curiosity. "It will just take a minute," or "It's important I address this right away," or "I can take a quick break" are cues we have habits that might ultimately derail us from staying on purpose. Barring the rare but real emergency, most things can wait. I have found that the discipline to keep focused on the task at hand is a critical characteristic in determining success.
3. Protect how I feed and use my brain 
The way we consume information and media is fundamentally changing the way we think and how our brains function. Because of how television and online media is structured, our brains are becoming more able to flit from one topic to the next, but less able to stay focused on one topic long enough to develop sustained and critical thought. Ever since reading The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brainsby Nicholas Carr, I am convinced that we can--and must--make wiser choices daily to support our brain's development by staying focused on big ideas long enough for them to take hold and direct us toward more informed and meaningful lives.
4. Trade multitasking for being present 
It turns out that although we love to brag about being excellent multitaskers, it's adelusion. It is simply not possible for the brain to do multiple things at once, and neuroscience proves that those who attempt to do so perform their tasks at a lower level and are generally more prone to distractions. This one is the toughest for me. But if I focus on one task at a time, giving it my 100% attention, it will be done at a much higher level, making my time spent exponentially more effective.
5. Go for walks, eat a good meal, and get more sleep 
It feels crazy to go for a walk when tasks loom large. But there is nothing quite like a head-clearing walk or the refreshment of a solid night's sleep to help us be at our absolute best. The man that officiated my wedding counseled us that a good meal and a good night's sleep lead to a better marriage. I've found this to be absolutely true.
6. Build in margin to connect with people 
If we aspire to do anything meaningful, we must develop strong relationships, for it is through both the quantity and quality of time together that significance develops. Deep, healthy, abiding relationships take time. They take focus and attention. We must plan our schedules to enable depth and breadth of presence, rather than having a calendar that leads to constantly clipped conversations. Prioritizing people always pays off--this is where we gain our deepest fulfillment and are positioned for our most satisfying successes.
What will you do this year to simplify your life? How will you ensure 2015 is a year of meaning?

Finding Happiness Through Suffering: 8 Ways To Find Light in the Darkness

The journey of life can feature mountain peaks of happiness and valleys of suffering. Unfortunately the moments of happiness tend to be fleeting and the moments of suffering seem to go on for forever. Did you know that it is possible to find happiness through suffering without having to look up at the next mountain peak you’re trying to climb? The key to finding happiness through suffering is to actively seek out contentment.
Being content in difficult times can be extremely hard to do. How is it possible to give thanks in the darkest of times? Here are some methods that have been proven to work.
#1. Stop comparing your life to the lives of others around you. When you’re in a deep valley and you see someone up at the summit of a mountain experiencing joy, it can hurt. A lot. You want to be on that summit of joy as well, right? The problem is that in looking at the lives of others, we’re missing the perfect moments that are surrounding us right now. By actively seeking the extraordinary when we feel like we are having an ordinary day, it becomes easier to be content in any circumstance that is faced.
#2. Strength is created through overcoming adversity. One common phrase we like to tell each other in the dark times is that “What doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.” Although that’s a hollow platitude when we’re in our darkest hours, there is some truth to those words.
  • Parents who have lost children to cancer become strong enough to help other parents in a similar situation.
  • Widows can console other widows.
  • Bullied children can become a counseling resource for kids who feel like they don’t fit in.
The experience of adversity is what creates the strength, especially when we find a way to blaze a trail through it.
#3. Little things are still able to bring you some joy. Imagine being in a dark room for longer than you remember. You’re hungry, tired, thirsty, and ready for the physical suffering to end. Loneliness, confusion, and perhaps anger are present as well, creating the circumstances of emotional suffering. Just a drop of water, a bite to eat, or some sunshine on your face will grant a respite and that brings joy. Even on the worst of worst days, if you can bring yourself toward something that you love, then a moment of joy can relieve the suffering. Those perfect moments eventually add up and bring you one step closer to the next mountain summit.
#4. Fate isn’t in control of your life. When we are encountering a valley of suffering, the typical question asked is this: Why? There really is no good answer to that question. We all ask it because we want a tangible explanation for our circumstances. If we get facts, then we can get out of the valley more quickly – at least that’s the theory. In reality, it is you who are in control of how you feel and what you want to do. External factors can try to affect your joy, but you either choose to allow those factors to influence you or to ignore them. Happiness is a choice that you can always make.
#5. Sometimes a fresh start is the only thing that is needed. Ask anyone who plays video games about the benefits of a complete restart. Do you have to begin at the very beginning again? Sure. You’ve also learned from your past experiences and this allows you to take the best out of the last journey so that it can be applied to the next one. It’s some added work, there’s no doubt about that, but it is work that can help you experience greater happiness every day if you manage it correctly.
#6. There is always something to learn from the experience. One of the most common versions of suffering is what would be best described as “educational” suffering. Some might call this type of suffering a “challenge.” It’s how we are able to take a look inward to see how we are maturing on an inner, perhaps spiritual way. Situations that seem to be beyond us at first become clear educational opportunities for us to work on the inner being so that it can be a massive force to help others. Sometimes recognizing a challenge and standing up to it, even though it might be difficult to do, is enough to bring the light of happiness back into life.
#7. Suffering is the #1 way to develop emotional endurance. Stamina is required in everything that we do. To become physically strong, we must exercise, do some weight training, and maybe even change some eating habits. To develop emotional endurance, we must encounter suffering so that we can run the entire race of life. Ever wonder why some leaders can go through seemingly impossible times to find success on the other side? It’s because they’ve recognized suffering as a positive tool for development. Happiness can be found in that recognition as well.
#8. Sacrifices bring joy to the lives of others. A mother suffers a lot for her children. She sacrifices her needs for the needs of her children so they can experience joy. Those times can be tough, especially if it seems like the mother is losing herself in the quest to meet her child’s needs. In the midst of that suffering, life can be difficult, bleak, and almost hopeless. At the sight of her child’s smile or the success her child experiences because of her sacrifices, however, all of that bleakness is instantly replaced with a happiness that can only come from serving others.
Suffering is a tool that can be used to your advantage. It can be easy to get lost in those dark valleys or be envious of those who seem like they’re always on a mountain peak, but you are in control. You can choose happiness. That’s how happiness can be found in suffering… because you choose to have it with you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Luke Glowacki is an avid fan of meditation and contemplation. He also loves listening to binaural beats and isochronic tones as he believes that they have a positive influence on the brain and help one to achieve their full potential. He hosts a website at http://meditationbrainwaves.com where he writes about meditation, lucid dreaming, brainwave entrainment, brain waves and a lot more.
Photo credit: *sax/Flickr

Being overwhelmed

I’m a person who tends to get triggered easily. It doesn’t take much to make me overwhelmed, to trigger the “what if?” “holy crap” pile of thoughts. I’ve gotten much better throughout the years, but lately it’s been tough with so many things to plan and do.
So lately, I’ve been thinking of ways I can talk to myself without making matters worse. Because the dialogue in our heads can anddoes make matters worse. The words we use can create tidal waves, explosions, catastrophes inside our minds, which complicate our coping and incite our already stressed-out bodies.
Below are some quotes and statements that may help you, too, when you’re overwhelmed. Of course, they won’t work for everyone, and it depends on why you’re feeling overwhelmed. But I hope they inspire you to create your own list, which you can turn to when you need it.
  • Breathe through it. Just breathe. Long. Deep. Slow.
  • You’re healthy. Your loved ones are healthy. That is everything. It is all that matters.
  • Focus on right now. Focus on your fingers dancing on the keyboard. Focus on the words you’re typing. Everything else will be there when you’re done.
  • Take in this moment. It will pass all too quickly.
  • You can’t please everyone. So start with yourself.
  • You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.
  • “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
  • I accept that I’m having a rough time, and I’m giving myself permission to feel it.
  • It’s OK to ask for help — whatever that help looks like: seeing a therapist; talking to a friend; hiring a housekeeper, a professional organizer or movers.
  • “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” ~ Erma Bombeck
  • The kindest thing I can do for myself right now is …
  • You’re not alone.
  • I don’t have to feel any other way than I feel right now. I don’t have to feel happy or excited. I don’t have to feel sad or frustrated. Any feeling — however sudden or surprising — is welcome.
  • “If people didn’t do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever happen.” ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein
  • It’s a stressful time right now. It’s OK to take a break, to rest, to slow down, to nap, to say no.
  • It’s OK to talk about how you feel — to let it out — with the people you trust.
  • It’s OK to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s vital. Here are nine reasons why.
  • “Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow, grow.’” ~ The Talmud (Other beautifulquotes.)
  • You can’t change anyone else, but you can change your actions, your thoughts, your approach. There is power in that. You hold that power.
  • You can’t control it all. You can’t control most things. Let it go. There is liberation in letting go. But there is fear, and a tightness that only gets harder, rougher, more brittle when you’re trying to exert control.
  • What I need right now is …
  • “I have not failed, not once. I’ve simply discovered 10,000 ways that don’t work.” ~ Thomas Edison
What we say to ourselves when we’re overwhelmed can spike or shrink our stress. Find words that can serve as your soothing reminders.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Wheat People vs. Rice People Why Are Some Cultures More Individualistic Than Others?

AMERICANS and Europeans stand out from the rest of the world for our sense of ourselves as individuals. We like to think of ourselves as unique, autonomous, self-motivated, self-made. As the anthropologist Clifford Geertzobserved, this is a peculiar idea.
People in the rest of the world are more likely to understand themselves as interwoven with other people — as interdependent, not independent. In such social worlds, your goal is to fit in and adjust yourself to others, not to stand out. People imagine themselves as part of a larger whole — threads in a web, not lone horsemen on the frontier. In America, we say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In Japan, people say that the nail that stands up gets hammered down.
These are broad brush strokes, but the research demonstrating the differences is remarkably robust and it shows that they have far-reaching consequences. The social psychologist Richard E. Nisbett and his colleagues found that these different orientations toward independence and interdependence affected cognitive processing. For example, Americans are more likely to ignore the context, and Asians to attend to it. Show an image of a large fish swimming among other fish and seaweed fronds, and the Americans will remember the single central fish first. That’s what sticks in their minds. Japanese viewers will begin their recall with the background. They’ll also remember more about the seaweed and other objects in the scene.
Another social psychologist, Hazel Rose Markus, asked people arriving at San Francisco International Airport to fill out a survey and offered them a handful of pens to use, for example four orange and one green; those of European descent more often chose the one pen that stood out, while the Asians chose the one more like the others.
Dr. Markus and her colleagues found that these differences could affect health. Negative affect — feeling bad about yourself — has big, persistent consequences for your body if you are a Westerner. Those effects are less powerful if you are Japanese, possibly because the Japanese are more likely to attribute the feelings to their larger situation and not to blame themselves.
There’s some truth to the modernization hypothesis — that as social worlds become wealthier, they also become more individualistic — but it does not explain the persistent interdependent style of Japan, South Korea and Hong Kong.
In May, the journal Science published a study, led by a young University of Virginia psychologist, Thomas Talhelm, that ascribed these different orientations to the social worlds created by wheat farming and rice farming. Rice is a finicky crop. Because rice paddies need standing water, they require complex irrigation systems that have to be built and drained each year. One farmer’s water use affects his neighbor’s yield. A community of rice farmers needs to work together in tightly integrated ways.
Not wheat farmers. Wheat needs only rainfall, not irrigation. To plant and harvest it takes half as much work as rice does, and substantially less coordination and cooperation. And historically, Europeans have been wheat farmers and Asians have grown rice.
The authors of the study in Science argue that over thousands of years, rice- and wheat-growing societies developed distinctive cultures: “You do not need to farm rice yourself to inherit rice culture.”
Their test case was China, where the Yangtze River divides northern wheat growers from southern rice growers. The researchers gave Han Chinese from these different regions a series of tasks. They asked, for example, which two of these three belonged together: a bus, a train and train tracks? More analytical, context-insensitive thinkers (the wheat growers) paired the bus and train, because they belong to the same abstract category. More holistic, context-sensitive thinkers (the rice growers) paired the train and train tracks, because they work together.
Asked to draw their social networks, wheat-region subjects drew themselves larger than they drew their friends; subjects from rice-growing regions drew their friends larger than themselves. Asked to describe how they’d behave if a friend caused them to lose money in a business, subjects from the rice region punished their friends less than subjects from the wheat region did. Those in the wheat provinces held more patents; those in the rice provinces had a lower rate of divorce.
I write this from Silicon Valley, where there is little rice. The local wisdom is that all you need is a garage, a good idea and energy, and you can found a company that will change the world. The bold visions presented by entrepreneurs are breathtaking in their optimism, but they hold little space for elders, for longstanding institutions, and for the deep roots of community and interconnection.
Nor is there much rice within the Tea Party. Senator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, declared recently that all a man needed was a horse, a gun and the open land, and he could conquer the world.
Wheat doesn’t grow everywhere. Start-ups won’t solve all our problems. A lone cowboy isn’t much good in the aftermath of a Hurricane Katrina. As we enter a season in which the values of do-it-yourself individualism are likely to dominate our Congress, it is worth remembering that this way of thinking might just be the product of the way our forefathers grew their food and not a fundamental truth about the way that all humans flourish.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/04/opinion/why-are-some-cultures-more-individualistic-than-others.html?_r=0

5 Things You Should Tell Yourself Before You Go To Bed

Why is it when we always lie down for bed, we're suddenly flooded with negative thoughts, worst-case scenarios and scads of mental to-do lists?
Getting the recommended amount of Zzs should be something we strive for, but our brains have a way of making those extra hours a little elusive. Ruminating over your worries as your head hits the pillow can put you on the fast track to a restless night. So, perhaps, the solution for drifting off to dreamland lies in what we tell ourselves before we crawl under the sheets.
If you're looking for a little calm before shutting those eyes, try these five sleep mantras instead.
"I'm thankful for..."
What can't gratitude do? Practicing thankfulness can increase our happiness levels, boost our immune systems and strengthen our relationships -- and, yes, it can also help us sleep better. Before you go to bed, reflect on what you're thankful for (or, better yet, write it down). You may sleep in the dark, but you'll be looking at the bright side.
"Let it be."
Have you ever heard of the saying "never go to bed angry"? Research shows reflecting on negative emotions after we crawl into bed makes it less likely that we'll get adequate rest, according to a 2012 study.
That doesn't necessarily mean you have to resolve all conflicts before going to sleep (in fact, as Women's Health reported earlier this year, it may work in your benefit to wait until the morning), you should clear your mind of anxieties when you shut those eyes. Whether the conflict requires an apology, a pause or just some time to talk it out, make sure you have peace of mind before you hit the pillow.
"I am strong."
Or -- if you prefer another adjective -- kind, brave and loved all work, too. The point is to reflect on your accomplishments, strengths and characteristics. A 2014 study suggests that self-acceptance is crucial to a happier life, yet we rarely practice it. We could all use a little boost -- and aren't these positive thoughts infinitely nicer to think about than the mishap we had at work that day?
"How can I make this better?"
If you're stuck in a creative rut, try asking yourself the specific question you've been trying to solve right as you go to bed. According to best-selling author Steven Kotler, your solution might lie in your sleeping brain through lucid dreaming. "It is pretty easy to ask the intrinsic system a question ... Out loud or silently, doesn’t seem to matter," he writes in a Psychology Today post on hacking creativity. You may just land on that "aha!" moment you've been consciously striving for.
"I will find calm."
f you have been tossing and turning for a while, you may find solace in focusing on one calming phrase, according to wellness expert Deepak Chopra, M.D. Repeat the mantra silently to yourself. If you find yourself becoming distracted, gently return your thoughts to just the repetition of that phrase. Check out these suggestions for more calming mantras to try.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/02/sleep-mantras_n_6392204.html


Sunday, December 21, 2014

What romance really is

I think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and jewelry. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures.